Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
