if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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