so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
