I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
