oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
