Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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