we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
