Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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