ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I understand Curling. That high.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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