Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
