I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
