I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
