Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
