Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
