HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
