You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
