I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
