Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
