that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am one with the molecules
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
