I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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