They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
