omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
