And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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