everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
