I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
