oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
