Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
