it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
false alarm, still single
Randomize
