i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am available for nakedness
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
