I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
