Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
