I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
