not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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