dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
