Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
