please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
