That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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