Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was born a porn star she said
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
