The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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