This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
