if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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