Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
then he tried to convert me to islam
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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