I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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