You're so nebulous sometimes
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
