you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
