I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
