I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
