Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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