dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
