ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
