So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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