please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
