Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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