My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
